The Colbert Report/Episode/583
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert joins His Mob in applauding his return from vacation ** he totally gets it * he finds himself doing that many times in front of a full-length mirror * Stephen wonders ** we lost a national treasure *** the coverage of the coverage of the death of Michael Jackson 6/25/2009 - 7/12/2009 * Stephen Remembers His Remembering ** Stephen remembers his off-air episodes * his coverage will be missed SEGMENT2 * today is the first day of Sotomayor's confirmation hearing * Anthony Kennedy replace your heart with a roomba-stay on the court! * Robert Bork is a lab-grown man-goat Stephen's Sound Advice * How To Bork A nominee :# Accuse Her of Bigotry (Sammy Davis Jr. was a double-agent) :# Leave No Dirt Undug :# Paint Her As Unqualified (children's books are not appropriate for college, but are fine for when your country is under attack) :# Make Her Weigh In On Roe v. Wade :# Get Sotomayor Pregnant SEGMENT3 * Dr. Colbert learned something this 4th of July ** no matter how many bottle rockets you tape to your feet, you're not going to fly * Stephen filed 130,000 Vet benefit claims for each hair lost * foreclosure rates are 4 times that * Paul Rieckhoff ** book: "Chasing Ghosts: A Soldier's Fight for America from Baghdad to Washington" ** director of Iraq Afghanistan Veterans of America * what can vets expect services and support from the U.S. government * take advantage of the new GI Bill * keep veterans in the news ** wear uniforms like Michael Jackson's * if 25,000 people sign IAVA's petition, the IAVA will make him an honorary veteran Interview * Paul Krugman * book: "The Return Of Depression Economics" * Nobel-winning economist, New York Times columnist * the crisis has been good for Krugman ** he'd rather not have been right about some of these things * Stephen is conflicted ** he brings the brick to Obama; Obama has dropped the ball * America is on the edge of a second depression * if penicillin doesn't work the first time, go back to leeches * the crisis of our lives ** must be hit overwhelmingly * Goldman Sachs reported good numbers * things are getting worse, more slowly * people now in the White House are not stupid or crazy * his feeling is that we have an enormous crisis; we're ameliorating it * the great fear hasn't yet happened * Krugman has not hired one person, created on job or ran one business ** he admits being a theoretician * the cheeriest thing he said was that we'll need to keep people who buried the bodies because at least they'll know where they're buried Epilogue * Dr. Colbert announces that's it for The Report and wishes The Heroes goodnight! Gallery File: File:WORDChamone.jpg File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments